glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
