last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
