She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
