i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
