she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize