Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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