I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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