yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize