am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
