We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
