Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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