I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
