the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize