I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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