I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
