Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
