the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
