you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
