You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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