His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
