You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
