I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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