benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize