My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
