Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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