im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
