i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
