Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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