everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
