last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize