Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
