Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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