she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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