the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
