I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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