Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
