I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
