just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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