hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
