...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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