if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
