Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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