I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
