i think my tv is drunk
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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