a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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