I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Alive.
So much puke
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
