So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
