Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
