when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
