READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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