I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
