Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
