I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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