from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
