I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
