Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
