at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
two words...techno handjob
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
