best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
