whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
