so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
