Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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