I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
