I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize