my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
