i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
