I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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