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New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i out mim tonsoeep
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