how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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