I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Welp...herpes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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