So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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