Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize