She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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