twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
