don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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