What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
